EP 1: The Dating Dilemma: A Candid Conversation with Steezus

Welcome to the very first episode of "Let's Talk Relationships." I'm super excited because today, we're diving deep into the dating scene, and I've got a fantastic guest with me—DeWayne McMurry, or as many of you might know him, "Steezus."

Together, we explore our personal dating experiences, sharing the stories and transformations that have shaped us. But this episode isn't just about our own journeys; it's also an eye-opening discussion about the dating scene in the bustling city of Los Angeles. We dissect the challenges, frustrations, and intricacies that make dating in LA uniquely perplexing. 

DeWayne McMurry, widely known as “Steezus”, has amassed a remarkable influence in the skateboarding, sneaker and streetwear communities. Building a reputation as a trusted voice through digital content creation, DeWayne utilizes his platforms to entertain and inspire his audience. As a strong advocate of mental health, raising awareness on the often-taboo topic, particularly from the perspective of a Black male in America, is a vital part of DeWayne’s messaging. His expertise in content creation and social media strategy has made him a go-to resource for a number of established businesses, and continues to extend beyond the digital realm.

So, with his unique insights and experiences, you can bet this episode is going to be an eye-opener when it comes to understanding the crazy world of dating and relationships. Buckle up, folks; it's going to be a fun ride!

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Links: 

https://www.instagram.com/_steezuschrist/

Instagram:@letstalkrelationships_
Website: https://www.theltrpodcast.com/

Transcript

I'm Beatrice, your host of the Let's Talk Relationships podcast. Join me and my guests as we explore all things related to singleness, dating, and relationships. Together, we'll hear from real everyday people and a few professionals and their experiences with self growth, heartbreak, modern day dating, and so much more.

Thanks for tuning in. And if you're here for the long haul, be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode.

Hello, everybody, and welcome to Let's Let's talk relationships. I am back and I've got a really good friend of mine here today. It's going to be a really great one. His name is Dwayne Stiezis is what he goes by. Um, and we've had so many killer conversations over the past since we've met. How long, how long 

has it been now?

A 

year. No. Um, but we, we like instantly got into like deep conversation. When we hung out and I'm like, okay, when I started podcasting, you're going to be on it. And look where we are today. You're on it. You're like one of my first guests we're here sipping some wine and enjoying. Company. So, um, we're going to get right into it.

I brought him on because I really want to make sure that we are really talking to men and talking about kind of what their struggles are with relationships and how their, what their perspective is on dating and all of, all of the above. And so I really want to get that perspective from you. And I know we've talked a lot about like the work that you've done to kind of grow and to mature in your own and really know who you really are and how that's affected.

How you date and all that. So that's kind of where I want to start. I want to get deep and then we're all going to talk about, who knows? We'll see where it goes. We've got, 

we've got a couple of heavy pours. 

I know. We like opened a bottle of wine and I, I was like, Ooh, I like haven't poured a bottle, a glass of wine in a long time because it's a heavy pour.

It's a heavy pour. We might get somewhere with this one. So we might get a little tipsy. See, and we might, who knows what we're going to talk about. That may, 

that may add a little spice to the conversation, but I'm here for it. No, thank you for having me. I'm honored to be one of your first guests. I know when we initially met, where was it at?

A great white. Yes, 

it was great. White bowling. Yeah. 

We went bowling immediately after you guys had come from somewhere prior to that, though. Rams game. There it is. That's what it was. Okay. Yeah. That first, that first night when I came and met up, we had a really good conversation and. Obviously, I knew at the time that you were wanting to do the podcast thing, but it was still very early.

And to see what you're doing now and to have you, you know, invite me on, it's, it's really, it's an honor to be here, but it's dope to see it kind of come to life, the conversations that you have with people and people talk about their dreams and their ideas and things that they want to do. And. It's really cool to see people realize those dreams.

So this is, this is really great. So I just want to give you your props. Thank you. Congratulations. 

It's scary. It is really hard to put yourself out there and to share your beliefs and your thoughts and all that. And so it's definitely scary, but I'm excited to see where this takes me. 

For sure. Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.

Yes. Thank you. Preach already. Now that's so true. And man, this year I've been challenged with that a lot. So lots of, lots of discomfort, just getting used to it. You know what? Yeah. You just gotta take it in stride. I put like a little pillow down and a little blanket and I'm like, okay, we're just gonna, we're gonna settle down in the discomfort zone.

There it is. We're here. Ain't 

nothing we can do about it. We are 

here. Exactly. Exactly. So, yeah, I just want to know more about, like, share with the people kind of your journey over the last couple of years, because I feel like that's what we talked about. You felt like you really grown into your own and, and got, probably got very uncomfortable on how to really face yourself.

Um, and what were the things that you kind of overcame in terms of that? 

Yeah, for sure. I, um, I feel like... A lot of people had to do quite a bit of self reflection when COVID hit and we were all self isolated and there were things that I feel like a lot of people had to just come to terms with because really at that moment in time, whether you're alone or you're with just close company and the confinements of your own space.

It was a lot to process because we were all so disconnected, but we were yearning for that connection. And, you know, obviously people with social media and trying to almost just sweep what was actually happening under the rug. Yeah. And I think for me as an individual, I've always been pretty introverted, but I don't mind spending time with myself or spending time with my thoughts.

I've always sort of fallen into that as my safe space. I'm an only child. Uh, whenever there's Tension or things that are happening. I tend to sort of go into my, my shell, um, and I just kind of become a recluse and it can be, it can be detrimental sometimes depending on how deep I go into that, that darkness, but I do like the time alone to think about the things that I've done, the things that I want to accomplish.

And just life in general. So, uh, I have, without going too deep into it, I've been through quite a bit in my life, um, most notably I'd say within the last decade, but for me, I'm no stranger to adversity or. Overcoming things that may seem trivial to some but might be deeply rooted in, you know, some other insecurities or things of that nature.

So I dive in headfirst. Um, it hasn't, excuse me, it hasn't always been like that for me. I think it's Obviously come with maturity and just life experience. I don't really feel like maturity comes from age. I really do think it's just life 

experience. No. Let me tell you. 

So I think I've definitely had to mature because of the circumstances that I've been dealt.

And with that, it takes a lot for, especially a man, and I can speak from my perspective, a black man in America to... Allow yourself to be vulnerable. It's not something that we're taught necessarily, especially by society standards, you know, you're, you're supposed to not really show emotion or have feelings or really be in a space that could be viewed as vulnerable.

And I think having gone through that and having gone through a lot of things in my life that don't necessarily feel great, allowing yourself to be vulnerable, not only. Connects you with so many other people and so many other walks of life, but it also is one of the strongest things you can do because you, you're not necessarily surrendering and waving the white flag.

However, you are showing human emotion and you are then allowing yourself to be open to receive the help that you might not necessarily ask for because your pride gets in the way or your ego gets in the way or things of that nature. So. For me, I had to sort of strip myself of the ego and put my pride to the side in a lot of different ways to, I guess, really overcome the obstacles that I sort of created in my mind, whether that be in, you know, dating and relationships or financial situations or living spaces, just whatever, you know, whatever category it falls into.

Um, I really just, I don't have any other choice, but to make things happen and to really get to the root of what's going on in my life. So if I'm having a lot of turbulence in dating and you know, things seem to be following a similar path with multiple people, if I'm, you know, in that dating space and that space.

Then it's like, okay, what is the common denominator? It's me. Yeah. What am I projecting or what am I putting out there that is attracting this in? It might be in a different form factor, but it's still the same energy. For sure. And I think a lot of times we aren't comfortable going within and asking ourselves those questions because it's so much easier to project onto other people and say, well, okay.

What, what are they doing? Why, why is it not working? What are they doing that is causing this disturbance instead of, okay, what am I doing or what can I do differently or, you know, whatever it might be. Oh, 

for sure. And I, I feel that like. That is the hardest thing for us to look and turn to look at ourselves because it's so much easier to be like, Well, that person was like this.

I wasn't compatible with this person. This person had this quality that I didn't like this, you know. And after a while you're like, yeah, but there's been like seven failed situations in front of me. Like, you have to really get to the point where you have to ask yourself like, Well, what part am I playing in this?

And that's when the work begins. I feel like that's really the, when the work begins. And I feel like you open yourself up to so much at that point because it's, it's not, it's not fun. I'm going to tell you all now, it is not fun. That has been like my last two years and oh my God, to really face yourself and to face your own, like just your own insecurities and like things that are coming out, projecting that you don't even realize are happening.

It was just like, icky. It's just icky. Like, you're just like, oh, I don't, I don't want to look at it and see it. But I just like, that's where the growth happens. I think that's where you get more meaningful relationships out of it. And like, I think it's just the pathway to growth and to maturity and to, into all of that.

I think that it's, it's interesting because, you know, obviously we both are dating in single in LA and this is so 

fun. 

Love it. This is one of the best places to find love. 

Best. That's everywhere on every corner, just waiting for you to grasp it. 

But I know that as we continue to move through this wonderful world of dating, whether it be through the apps or meeting people, um, in the wild or being.

Set up by friends. It's interesting to connect with people and to see where they are in their journey. Yes. And when you meet people that are on a similar path or have a similar level of understanding. It's such a breath of fresh air. It is. But then you also, and I can only speak from my perspective, but let me, let me know how you feel about this.

When you meet people on that same level, sometimes it feels like you don't want to ruin the joy that is the friendship by stepping into the dating space. Because if you do and it doesn't work, it's very difficult to go back to that initial friendship. It so 

is. And I know I totally understand this, but like, then it poses the thing.

It's like. The best relationships are friendships. Like they start out as really good friendships, you know? And it's like, are we doing ourselves a disservice? By like, uh, what a good friend. I don't want to cross the line. And I, it's like, I get both sides of that too. And it's like, instead we go for people that are just not like, you know, I feel like that's something I've been asking myself a lot lately.

Like, can I just be friends with this person? Like, do what I want this person in my life just to be a friend. Like, can I go to them? Can I, can they console me? Can I go to them with hardships, with great things when I get a promotion or what's been great happens in my life? Like, do I, who do I want to call?

Exactly. Is, can I, can I bring that joy to this person and like share it with them? And like, and so I don't know, I feel like the best relationships are friendships. I started as friendships and I just feel like in our. I, I saw a podcast. A podcast. I saw a, a video the other day where, where a guy was saying that, he's like, he's like, we often go into dating and we just go right into dating, right into the romantic stuff, the dates, the, all that stuff.

And he is like, we miss the friendship side entirely. And then of course you have the endorphins and the chemistry and all that's like, you know, yeah. Hi . But then you realize you're like six months down the road, you're like, I don't even wanna be friends with this person. Yep. Because all the dopamines kinda wear off, you know?

And it's just like, are we just doing dating wrong? That is 

such 

a great question. Like, I just feel that way. I'm like, I'm on all these dating apps and I'm like, are we just doing this wrong? Like, I don't want to make out with you on date one. I just want to know if I like you. Like, do I want to hang out with you?

You know, like, maybe I want to make out with you, but maybe I don't. know yet. But like, I don't know yet. Like, I don't even know you. And I feel like there's so much pressure on like a first date. Like it's gotta be something big and it's just like, oh my God, do we just have it all wrong? Is this why we're in so many failed 

relationships?

You know, I think so. And it's as we get older too, you start to see people that are coming out of their first divorce. Oh God, I know. And there's that 

wave of so many friends of mine, 

that wave of, okay, now we're. In that age group where people are coming out of this and they're a little jaded, but then you're also now that is sort of your dating pool and you have to take, you have to think about that in the sense to now it's okay, not only are you potentially taking that, that baggage on from, I don't want to call it baggage, but you're taking on that energy from their past relationship that could potentially have children involved and that's when you really start to have to, that's when you really have to ask yourself, okay, I could spin, I think there was a, yeah.

It was a quote in the movie Friends With Benefits as one of my like favorite rom coms. I love it. And he's like, it's not about who you want to spend Friday night with, it's who you want to spend Saturday morning with. Oh, okay. And you think about it from that perspective of, yeah, can I, not even necessarily wake up together, but Saturday morning, I'm going through my routine or I want to go to the farmer's market or get lunch or whatever.

Would I want this person to share that experience with me? Yeah. That, if the answer is anything other than a hell yes, it's probably not what you want to dabble into. And obviously we are single and in the space of, you know, having fun and doing whatever excites you. But when it comes to dating with intention, I think you have to ask yourself those questions in those initial stages and not be afraid to Go down the path of friendship first and just seeing how you two interact as humans on a human to human level.

From there, that's when you start to do the checks and balances and see if things can progress. But I have done that pretty, pretty much my entire adult dating life. And I will say, I've been single for pretty much my entire adult 

So it's working out real good for you, 

right? Woo! I don't know if you can take that one way or the other, but, you know, 

um.

See, that poses the question, like, this is something I talk about a lot too. It's like, when you're dating or you're going on dates or you're on the apps or whatever, sometimes right away you know. Right? And I feel like, do we just keep giving people chances over and over, because I can see the other side of it, is if you're going the friendship route, well then, sure, you should be hanging out a couple times to see if there could be anything, but on the flip side, it's like, sometimes you just know right away, and I feel like I always want to be like, oh, should I just like, maybe I'm being too harsh, or maybe I'm, you know, and I don't want to say no right away, but it's like, lately I'm like, no, it's a no, like, like, I don't need to have 15 yeses, I just need like one good one, but, I'm curious how you feel about that, because I'm like...

I don't know. 

I think a woman's intuition is way stronger than a man's. Thank you. 

I mean, I wasn't gonna say it, but you said it coming from a man's mouth. 

I mean, I just gotta keep it a bug. That's, yeah, that's how I feel. I think the, that is your initial gut reaction. You should always follow it. Yeah. If it's a yes, follow it.

If it's a no, follow it. I think when we put our minds into the pot after that initial reaction, and we try and sway ourselves one way or the other, or talk ourselves into believing, Something that we know just in our nature isn't correct. That's when things just go awry. Yeah, they go 

awry. I just, yeah, I wholeheartedly feel that.

And I learned a really hard lesson this last year. Dating someone that I was like, it was an, it was like, Uh, like from the beginning, but then still kind of like, Oh, but you know, maybe. And learned an unfortunate hard lesson. But with that, it's like, And because you hear people saying like, No, don't be so harsh.

Don't be so picky. Do you know? And I understand, I understand where they're coming from in saying that, because yes, some things like. Like women being like, he has to be six foot tall. Well, honey, there are not that many six foot tall women out there and men out there. Like, if that's going to be your only standard of like, you'll be single or dating douchebags.

I don't know what to tell you. 

Like, well, okay. Well, first let me correct you. I'm six five and I like to think that I'm not one of those douchebags. So 

let's not I take it back. I take it back. Maybe a couple of douchebags thrown in there. Not all, sprinkle them in. Cause they're out there. Um, I forgot what I was even, I was even saying, Oh, about, okay, yeah, I'm back.

I'm back. I'm back. Bring it back. The wine's getting to me already. Um, no, just about like really trusting your intuition. Like I don't, I think you'll go on one date and you'll kind of know you're like, I wasn't really excited about it, and it's easy just to walk away and say no, but I often find that we try to find excuses because he's a nice guy, or he's good looking, or X, Y, Z, and we're like trying to find reasons to want to go on a second or third date, and I'm just like, 

no.

Right. Like And wanting to.

Put somebody in the position of partner that you have created in your mind. Or is that because you actually see something in that individual? Cause I really feel like there, we all have it. If we're, if we're single in the mindset of dating and looking for a partner, we have. The only way I've really been able to equate it to, like, make sense is it's an unlocked character in a video game.

Okay. So you have this. Stay with me. I'm with you. I'm here. When you're like, I know it sounds funny, but let's hear me out. When you, I think back when I was a kid, like Mortal Kombat on Sega Genesis, you would go through, it would show the characters on the screen, but there would be certain ones that were grayed out.

Yeah. But if you highlighted it, it would sort of show you the silhouette of who it was. And that would be like, you know, there's an unlockable character here. Yeah. Stay with me. 

I'm here. 

So I think when it comes to dating, we all sort of have this idea of what that character is next to us is going to continue down the journey of life with us.

As we're dating, we're almost subconsciously trying to see if this person fits into the mold of that character that we've created, that we know, or want to believe is out there for us. But we don't know until we know. Yeah. And I feel like sometimes, we're like, okay, I feel a little glimpse of something here.

Maybe if I keep going down this road, that might become a little bit more apparent. Mm hmm. And it can help me fill out and see if this is what fits in this mold. So I think that's what tends to happen when it's like, first couple of dates are fine, but it's nothing that's like over the top. Yeah. And because it's fine, it's not bad.

So you're like, oh, let me keep, let me see if there's something here. And then you keep going, but it's not necessarily What you really, really, really want, because that individual might just not have it. Yeah, just 

might not be it. And I wonder if that leads us down the road to settling. Exactly. Because the thing is...

That's my roundabout, like, yes! That's where that goes, because the thing is, we'll say... Well, it's like, yeah, it's not that bad. He's so nice. Like, he's so nice. He was so sweet. You know, like, you'll find a couple things you liked about him. Like, so I'll just, I'll give it another go. Another go. And you just kind of keep going down that road.

And sometimes he's nice enough and then you kind of get attached and then you're with them for six months. You know, when at the beginning, if you just said no, because you're like, I feel like I want to take this mentality of like, if it's not a hell yes, and I'm not like, oh my gosh, yeah, like, this is incredible.

I don't know if this is going to go anywhere, but like, this is a hell yes, then everyone else is a no. You know, and it's not a maybe I don't, I don't want maybes like I'm just at the point where I'm like, I don't, I don't want a maybe I'm too old for maybes. Like I had a lot of time in my twenties like, yeah, I see, you know, but it's just like, I don't know if like time is so precious than a maybe to me is a no.

Yeah. You know, 

that's also the beauty in that too is. I think as we become just more open with our communication and from both sides, male and female, when you meet somebody that's like pretty rad, but not necessarily what you want in a partner romantically, I think it's okay to date for new friends as well.

Oh, 

for sure. I'm notorious for 

this because it's not necessarily like friends zoning. I think that comes. And he's got his own connotation to it as well. But I really think that there's so many wonderful women that I have connected with and whether or not we we've had, you know, fun or what not. I do still feel there's value in just those friendships and not necessarily having it move into a space of, Dating for an extended period of time or whatever it like having his way with us.

Good thing we're 

not on video. No, but I, yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm notorious for that too, because I'll go like on the apps and I'll go on a date, maybe two with someone. And I'm like, yeah, I'm just not feeling it like romantically or like, there's not really chemistry for me, but like they're awesome people. And I'm like.

Always dropping the line, like, Hey, you're probably not the one for me, but like, I enjoy you. Like I enjoy your company. I think you're awesome. If you're cool to be friends, like I'm open to friendship and just like hanging out. And majority of the time they say, yes, I 

was going to ask. Okay. Well, how does that receive?

I feel 

like it goes, it goes one of two ways. Well, maybe three ways. Okay. So one, they're just like, nah, I'm good. I'm like, cool. Straightforward. You're like, I don't want my friend done. Easy. Have a nice life. The other two is they're really down to be friends. And then they're really down to be friends with the slight hope that it's going to turn and I can tell that they're like, but maybe and I'm like Not what I was going for.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, that's a, that's a tough one. And that's a tough one because it's like, and then it's like, I don't wanna lead them on. Right. So then if me, then it goes like me hanging out with them, we'll lead them on. Yeah. And so sometimes I just have to kind of make the decision and like, okay, well I'm sensing that you're not, like you're kind of still into it.

Mm-hmm. . And so I just try, I don't, I won't push at that point. Like, I won't try and be friends, you 

know? That's something that's, but it's hard, obviously. Interesting. It's. It is different to navigate as a woman. I feel like you have to really be, that's when you have to, your spidey sense has got to be at a hundred percent.

Cause yeah, it's, that's something that I really want to learn from you as well when it comes to those decisions. Cause it's easy for me as a male to say, well, it's about communication. But I do think that. I have a certain level of maturity and a certain level of understanding where I can have communication without emotions, getting too involved and things like that.

But I do know that not everybody operates that way, especially not men. So it's, it's one of those things where when you are, when you're dating and you're going on dates and you're meeting people and you know, things feel a little. More in the friendship zone. How do you navigate doing that in a safe way?

Like obviously if you're dating these people you don't feel some type of way when you're around them You feel a little bit safe, but these are still strangers. Mm hmm So is there a not necessarily a formula, but how do you communicate in a way that feels? Respectful enough to give them, you know your truth to what it is that you're feeling but also in an in a way that's like Genuinely wanting to be a friend, but making sure you're good and, and don't have to put your guard up or be too, I guess, I don't even know what the phrase or like the term I would look for it.

But I just, when you are making those decisions as a woman who's dating currently, do you feel like you have to? Sort of put a guard up or are you just very open and honest and hope that they can receive it in a way that's in that you're intending to deliver it? I think 

it's more that I don't feel like I have to put a huge guard up Um unless like i've told them I just want to be friends and they try to make a pass at me later Like then i'm like, okay, we were very clear, but I just feel like really clear communication Like very clear because I, what I've noticed is men will, sometimes you'll be clear and they're like, but, and they'll try to find some loophole around it.

And you're like, let me bring it back. This is as clear as I'm getting. And this is a straight as I'm getting. Um, And so I feel like that's, it's just being really clear. I think for what I've noticed for a lot of women, what they'll do is like, well, I don't want to hurt his feelings. I don't want to be mean.

I don't want, and I'm like, no, you're not being mean. You're being direct, you know? And it can be as simple as like, Hey, I've had a really great time hanging out with you. I just wanted to be really straightforward with you. I didn't really feel anything romantic. Although I still think you're a really awesome person.

And I don't know if you're up for something like this, but I've been, I've made really great friends. Through dating, you know, just through these apps and I'm, you know, would love to be, love to be friends moving forward if you're interested in that and if not, totally understand, have a great day, kind of like, do your own thing, but I think being really clear, um, and then even with guys that try to kind of get around it, um, You know, it's, it's reiterating again, like telling them like, Hey, look, I've made it really clear that I just want to be friends.

And if you feel that you can't do that, then we can't hang out. Like it's gotta be very cut and dry and that's not being rude and it's not being mean. And, and so I think that's what I've noticed. Like I've heard from a lot of girlfriends. They'll kind of, you know, like dance around it. I'm like, no, don't dance.

That's not helping anyone. It's not like you just ladies, you just have to be direct. Like, it's not, you know, I, um, I kind of, I'm going to say this out loud. So my girlfriend, Janelle, she calls them. I can't even remember. They're called Nick Mose. Have you heard of it? Nick Mose. They're like. Basically, uh, this is going to come out of my mouth, this is going to be everywhere on the internet, but it's like a, like just a little make out, it doesn't mean anything, it's like, it's not going to go anywhere, you probably don't even know the guy very well, but like, even with, 

a little nickname, 

I forgot what it stands for, Janelle, you're going to die, I don't remember what it stands for, it's like a whole acronym, like it's a, it stands for something, I wish I could tell you, I'm going to put it in like some chat somewhere, I remember it, but um, Even with that, I like, re recently, unfortunately, had this happen, and, uh, I don't know how to make this more clear to you, but like This is a not, this is a not going, this is, I wish I had told him that, it wasn't my best moment.

It was not my best moment. I thought about that later and I was like, yeah, I didn't really need to do that. But here we are. Um, we're being transparent y'all, even as a Christian. This is the 

reality, this is real life. This 

is real life. Um, and I remember telling him like, look, don't get attached. Like I'm just straight.

I'm telling you straight ahead. Like this is fun. Make out session. Then goodbye. And he even then was like, Oh, well, like we could have fun. And he was just trying at every angle. And I was like, look, brother, like, I don't know. I was like, don't get attached. I'm like, cause what's going to happen is you're going to hang out and then you're going to get attached and you think this is going to go somewhere and it's not, and I don't know how else to tell you this.

I was like, you 

sound like a guy right now. 

And I showed my friend this text message and she was like, B, I'm like, I know I actually did this, but hey, it was super clear. He got the message. I was like, I was like, there's just no hope. So like, don't, you know, I told him before this isn't going to get, cause he knew I was like, look, Oh no, B.

Oh no. 

Okay. You told the man there was no hope. 

Okay, because he wasn't getting the message. So I was like, look, there's no hope. He's like, what do you mean there's no hope? I was like, look, I already told you this was never gonna go anywhere. And so I like straight up was like, okay, look, I was like, I'm not looking for fun.

I'm not that type of girl. I'm like, it's not looking for anything short term. Uh, you're not Christian. So it can't be a relationship. So really there's nothing that this can be. Do you see where this is coming? Okay, not that you'd be that direct. I was that direct. 

If you had tried to 

He was like jokingly saying it but still, he eventually 

You were jokingly saying it, I don't think he took it as a joke.

No he did, he was like, haha. And he put an emoji. But That's exactly I'm sure I heard I'm sure I heard him I didn't hurt him, I was clear from the beginning. If you didn't understand that from the beginning That is not my problem. That was very, very clear. So, but I'm just saying again, I went back and it was super clear because I was like, I, we already explained this the day before, talked about this, the situation, this is never going to be anything.

And he didn't quite understand. He's like, do you want to hang out? And I was like, no. So that's just an example of being super clear. And I did not hurt his feeling. Cause the reality is there is no hope. And I was very clear about that 

before. I respect it. So you got your makeout session. You're out of there.

So random. Just a little Nicmo. No big deal. Wasn't a big deal. I have no idea what that means people, but we're running 

with it. We're going to run with it and I will eventually figure out what that 

with that eventually. Yep. I'm just actually, yeah, I should probably stop saying that because I don't know what I could potentially be getting myself into.

It's like N C M O Nicmo.

Something non, non, non committal make out, non committal make out. Yes. Yes. Nick Mo guys, non committal make out. That's totally what it is. 

Okay. Wow. All you had to do was give me the letters. I'm thinking like actual Nick, mama. I don't know. That's a lot of, that's a lot of words. Yeah. I couldn't figure it out.

Give me the NCMO. That's a lot of boom, a lot of bang. 

I mean, let's see, really guys, we have all done it. 

I mean, that's a big part of dating. That's not to be, there's nothing to be ashamed of or upset about. I think that when you are a young, attractive person in the dating pool, sometimes you have those make outs or just those little like fun sessions that you know going into it aren't going to turn into anything.

And I think as long as the communication is there, you're open about whatever the situation is from the beginning. I think that as two consenting, consensual adults, there's nothing wrong with that. Yeah. As long as you are, again, upfront from the beginning, that's all good. When the communication is a little muddy and there's no discussion of what intentions are.

I 

think that's when No, and that's where things go bad. Like, obviously, and obviously follow your values. Like I, for me, I'm not going to just sleep with anyone. That's not a thing that I do, but it's like. Yeah, that's like off the table. So for everyone else listening, that's off the table for you. Then yeah, that is a problem for you.

A makeout session here and there, not a big deal, but I thought I did that often either, but it's like, yeah, I just communicated that before and I think that goes for everything. Like, what are your intentions? What are you out there dating? Because I feel like this is where we get Really in trouble is we aren't communicating what our actual intentions are even in dating even all of that It's like be clear up front.

Look, I'm looking for something short term. Look, I I'm not interested in this. Look I want this in a relationship I want if the more upfront you can be the easier it is for someone else to walk away or to say yeah I'm up for that but to blindside people I think is the worst It's not to be up front and like who you are and what you're actually wanting, you know And maybe that isn't a relationship and be okay with seeing that you know, but be okay with people walking away 

I think that's the part right there.

That's the most important part of it, is being okay with having your boundaries. I think there is a way to not be so rigid about it in the beginning. I think that that, because 

that could also Unless they're your top, like, if they're your, like, top things, I think that's where you should be rigid. 

Of course, yeah, you're non negotiable.

Yeah, non negotiables are like, yeah, those need to be rigid. Yes, 

but I think in the delivery of explaining what you're looking for, I think that it's also Something to be had in the conversation. Cause you might both be getting to the same point, but you might have a different way of getting there. And I think that that's also just the big, that's the biggest part about communication.

I think it's, it's just the back and forth and the dialogue and allowing one person's. Intentions to be expressed and hearing and receiving those without listening to respond. I think it's more important to listen with the intention to understand and then formulate your response from that point. But I think that we get in dating and from what I've noticed just in my perspective, we get a little.

Cut and dry with our conversations in the beginning and then we kind of talked about this off air They just fizzle out before they can even turn into anything I think there's just there's something missing in The dating app world that we live in right now because it's so easy to Fall into okay. Well the next best thing could be a swipe away you don't know and you also feel this false sense of having the world of dating at your fingertips because you see all these people and you see people you find attractive and you swipe them one way or the other in hopes that they might see and or find you attractive as well.

But until then, you're just going to keep looking. You're going to keep looking. You might get a couple of hits here and there. A couple messages, they fall by the wayside because you just keep looking. I think we've gotten into a weird space where we don't actually go through the process of getting to know people in the early stages of dating.

It's just disposable. 

It's so sad! I honestly feel like I see so many amazing people single and I'm like, I don't understand this. Like how are, how is no one meeting anyone? 

You know, all the amazing people are jaded and just stay at home. 

We don't leave our homes. We make really beautiful apartments and then we don't leave them.

Like This is my problem. I love my apartment. And I'm like, I don't leave. And I've been trying, but no, I, I totally agree with that. Like we're, cause we were talking before we started recording. I'm like, Oh God, the, I got back on the dating apps. You guys, we're going to have a whole episode on dating apps.

Cause that actually 

needs to be its own 

episode. It's own. We had to talk through it, but. It's just, yeah, it's like so many conversations go nowhere. And I'm like, wait, this could have been something. Like could have been, could have been. And then I'm like, well, add someone else. Like just moving on to the next person.

And you just like, it's like a freaking conveyor belt of like men just coming at me. And I'm like, can they hold a conversation? Nope. Next. Can you hold a conversation? Nope. Next. And it's just like, I don't like, I just didn't realize that. I don't want to keep meeting a bunch of people. Like I don't want to keep meeting a bunch of guys.

Like I was at a church conference. Um, a couple, I think it's been a month now and, um, one of the speakers was saying like his theory on how we should date and find our spouse is just go on a bunch of dates. Just go on a bunch of dates and get to know a bunch of people. And I was like, I'm trying so hard to be open minded, but I just really didn't agree with that.

I was like, That's not the solution because we have, if I wanted to go on 17 dates, I could like, there's, I thought that hard. You go online, want to go on a date on Friday? Oh, for a woman. And so, yeah. It's just great. Friday sounds good. Like you could just, you know, so I'm like, wait, is that really the answer?

I feel like. No, because like what you were saying is like, no one's actually getting to know anybody like at all. And I feel like it's almost like we take dating too serious and not in serious enough. Like we take it too serious in the sense of like, well, I don't want to get the wrong impression or like, it's like just going to date.

Like it's not the end of the world, like figure it out. You know what I mean? Like we make the first day also a big deal, but then we also don't make it a big deal enough where it's like, uh, whatever. I'm not really gonna get to know them. Don't ask the right question. So it's like, it's almost like, I feel like we, 

yeah, it's a weird balance.

Yeah. You don't really find the balance of caring just enough to where you actually ask the questions. Or I think there's, there's something to be said about those interactions where you meet people and the conversation just flows. Yeah, I don't even have to think about props essentially like what questions to ask all the small talk It doesn't have to go super deep because then you fall into the the category of almost trauma bonding But I think there is something to be said about those.

Yeah, of course there's something to be said about those interactions with people where It just clicks and it feels good. I think that's the first sign of a spark. Doesn't necessarily mean it's going to go in the direction of the relationship, but that in and of itself is such a valuable thing because it's very rare nowadays.

It's so rare. To just connect with somebody initially. So yeah, I think it, it, it, then it doesn't feel good as well when it's. You have multiple people across multiple apps or whatever. And it's just these little small conversations here and there that you're just really trying to fill space. You're not actually filling any void because.

Only way that you can fill that void is by doing the work internally, which then you would realize having all these random people that you're just having little bits and pieces of conversations with don't actually really make anything of value in your life, unless you're intentionally trying to interact with those people and Get to know them on a human level, but until then, they're just a little picture on a screen in an app on your phone.

I'm deleting hinge. That was my confirmation. Like 

how many times have you deleted it? Download it and delete it. Exactly. 

No, but like, just hearing you say that, I'm like, that's literally how I feel right now. I'm like. None of these conversations are going anywhere and it's like, I was telling him earlier, I'm like, I'm at the point now where I'm just like, you look decent except match.

Oh, yeah, sure. Match. Like, I'm just like, now I'm after that. And not anybody. Cause there, we have some standards. Yeah, you gotta be careful. Yeah. And we have like, I've got the Christian filter on, which doesn't always make a difference either. But so my field, my pool is even smaller. And then, like, the things I'm looking for makes it even smaller.

But that is what you want. No, a hundred percent. Like, so just, like, the pool gets smaller and smaller. So even with accepting a bunch of people, it's like I'm having, you know, these kind of random conversations that aren't really going anywhere. And it's like, are they gonna go anywhere? Is it even worth a date?

And it's like, I just don't wanna do it. Like I don't want to do that. You know? Understandable. Yeah. You know, but then you do it 'cause you're like, well, if I don't do this, I don't meet anybody. Even though it's like she does, I don't, but that, but that's the mentality. Like I, I'll get stuck into, it's like, yeah, should I, or, or you think like, should I do this or shouldn't I do this?

And. You kind of feel like you should, because it's a great way to meet great way to meet people, but you're not really meeting anyone. Like that's 

the point. You're not meeting 

anybody. Yeah. Like I meet people more, like I'm involved in, like, I do this outdoor workout class. I want to do volleyball soon. So I'm like trying to get involved in all these different things.

And it's like, that's where I meet end up meeting a bunch of people is through that stuff. And it's like, that's way more meaningful. 

And you also know automatically you have at least one common interest with those. Exactly. It takes a little bit of that barrier away of having to create all of those categories for your apps to find the algorithms to work for you.

I don't think that dating apps are doing us a service. We've had them for a decade now. I have to agree. I do find they can be beneficial if used in the way of looking for community. Now, I think if you have certain apps where, you know, you can set your boundaries or you can set whatever it is and You can really find people like within your same space.

I think Raya is one that's fairly decent at that, where you can kind of go in and see people on the map that are close to you. And then you can search by common interests and things like that. It really helps in the sense of. I've gotten to a point where I don't really get on the apps to pass the time anymore.

So I don't get on the apps anymore because that's basically all it was. It was just another, it was like, okay, let me Instagram. All right, cool. Tick tock. All right. Raya. All right. Hint. Like it's just a part of it. like 

I'm doing now. I'm like, Oh, let me check him. Cause I've already finished checking.

Exactly. So now it's like, okay, you take that out of it. It's like, well, why am I even, why do I even have it? Why am I getting on it? Unless you do it, like I said, from the perspective of, okay, I, you can set on a ride to say here for friends and you can like genuinely go about it in a way that is more based on just finding like minded people in a community and people that are into the same.

Type of art is you or whatever it might be when you really take away the, I have to find my person on these apps and take that element out of it for sure. That's kind of cool. But when you go into it and you're just like, I'm just going to say yes to things and just swipe and see if I can figure something out.

It's just, it's always a disaster. 

Yeah. And never, it just never works out like I've gone on some dates and that they're fine, but it's, yeah, it's just. 

It should never work. It's very rare. I remember when tinder became a thing. I think it was like 2013 What was life before that? What was life? 

It was so nice.

Can you all just take a moment? You just met people out and about. Yeah, that's weird. Like, I mean, I think that, that trend of people like meeting someone at Home Depot, the videos and stuff. It's like, yeah, like, yeah, I'd like to meet you down the aisle at Home Depot or at a grocery store, playing volleyball or at the beach workout or walking down.

I'm at freaking Ocean Park all the time. Like. You're a lot of hot looking men with, you know, running and jogging. I'm like, should I start jogging? He's going to know why I started running. 

I do think that that was, I mean, obviously technology has changed things. You can't go into a grocery store and see people standing in line without their phones in their face.

So it's, it is a little different now where We are so connected, but so disconnected at the same time. And I think we have more just distraction when it was no cell phones and things. Yeah. Things. I mean, obviously I, I'm an, I embrace technology with the reason we can make this podcast right now is because of technology and the advances.

I'm not anti, I'm not saying take me back to the nineties. However, I've just observing the fact that, yeah, when you didn't have all these things to distract you in your face at that time, you would. Say hello to the people next to you. You would spark up a conversation in the aisle of Home Depot it was a little bit easier to just Tap into that human connection, whereas now our human connection is via these screens.

Yeah, and they're not really connected. And it's not actually, right, you just see these curated stories that people have put together for. They're all curated. It's all curated, no matter how much, no matter how real. It is. There's still a little bit of production behind it. A little bit. No matter 

what. Like, I, I hate filters.

I don't like to use them. I'm like, this is my face. If I'm tired, it's what it looks like. If I'm not, if I'm got makeup on, it's what it looks like. But it's like, even then it's like, I'm only posting like the good things. I'm not like, you know, but I have a question too. And pertaining to men in particular, do we feel like because of the nature of there's always something grass is green, or I can always find someone, I think that's preventing men from actually doing the work and digging in deep.

And, and, and because I feel like I will say not, I'm not bagging on men. I love men. And I do have a heart for them and compassion because they were not taught a lot of the stuff that like, I feel like it's been shoved down women's throats. Um, but I feel like women are so much more quicker to like, I'll read the book, I'll figure it out.

They're way, we're like way more advanced when it comes to that. I also think that's why we see a bit, a lot of single men and women out there. Like, I think that's a big part of it because women are kind of advancing and not connecting to men on an emotional level. And so I'm wondering if like this whole app thing, you know, is.

Also part of that and why men just are taking their sweet time to like really get to know who they are internally and, and, and really elevate their emotional intelligence. Like, I think that there's a big gap there and, um, between men and women. And I think that's closing a big problem with relationships in 

general, that comes from childhood, women, just advanced fashion and just in all areas of life.

Um, I'm sorry, say, say 

that again, I'm kidding. 

Hey, no shame in my game, it's real. Uh, I think, so it's, it's interesting. Obviously, I'm only one guy out of billions, so I can speak from my own perspective only, but I do think that it is a big part of it. There are so many ways to have your needs met if necessary.

And I think that if you have. Even a little bit of an attractive nature to you. And if you can carry a conversation or at least spark up a conversation, it's pretty easy to find someone to, you know, make out with or do what it is that you need to do, that you want to get done. One thing that I do think is different in men and women, and I think there's a big reason why women are more open to doing the work is because women have a biological clock.

Obviously. That thing is taking from, you know, the beginning of time with men, I feel like men have a financial clock and I think that a lot of times men that aren't necessarily in their level of financial security that they would like to be or where they could see themselves. A lot of times it is difficult to jump into something that jump into something that would hinder them from continuing to go down that path.

Now, I don't think that that's healthy, but I do know that there are so many stories that have been said that. Um, whenever a man is ready, they'll just pluck whoever's right in front of him. I always hear that. And it's not necessarily just that. But I do think there are so many factors that are underneath the surface that a lot of one men don't speak about.

They internalize a lot of the time. And two women just can't necessarily understand because. It's, we're just different in our nature. Yeah, for sure. I really feel like those two clocks have to sort of be in sync in order for those two individuals to come together at the right time. And that's why I feel like a lot of men get older, acquire a certain level of wealth, go kind of crazy spending, uh, pulling in a bunch of young women doing all these things because they're trying to make up for all the things that they couldn't necessarily do when they were younger and didn't have the means to do it.

It's easy for a woman to get on the app and kind of swipe and find a date for Friday night for a man. They have to one obviously search and have a woman that's open to it, but then they have to make sure that their finances are set up as well to take this woman out to a day and to do it in a way that even if it is just dinner and drinks, let's do it in a way that is.

I'm going to be viewed as a nice first date, want to make sure that I actually show this woman well. And we always kind of put our, I think women do it as well, but correct me if I'm wrong. We always put our representative out there first, you know, those first few months, those first few dates. 

Hello, my name's Beatrice.

Which we shouldn't, but yes. But 

everybody, yeah, you kind of let that representative drive the ship a little bit. So as a guy, you want to be a little flashy and not necessarily flashy, but you want to, you don't want to appear as broke, even if you are, you still want to be able to take this woman out for a nice day to do what you know, you feel is necessary.

So I think a lot of times guys, if they're not ready, it's not necessarily because they're not emotionally available. It's because they got a lot of other stuff going on that they might not even have uncovered yet. And they're still trying to figure that out. And it's not, it's very difficult to. It's, it's, you can't take, you can't make an addict go to rehab.

That addict has to want that for themselves. I think when it comes to men and dating, you can't force a man to be ready. No, they have to kind of go through it themselves. You can steer them in a certain way, but a lot of times coming from a woman that's also just uncomfortable and you don't want to say, Oh no, I'm good.

I don't want to. No, no, no. So I think what happens is a lot of men just kind of internalize those things and don't necessarily do the work and. End up finding somebody that can help fulfill their needs until that person decides they want more and then they scurry to the next one. Do I know how to correct that behavior?

Only in myself, because I've gone through those things and I've seen how unfulfilling it actually is. It's very empty when you're going down that route of just, you know, having fun with this person or having fun with that person and there's nothing that actually gives you any type of actual joy. It's, it's very uncomfortable.

So when you deal with that enough and you're finally ready, that's when those things start to become. More prevalent of like, okay, I need to work on this. I need to figure this out. I need to see what's going on. But everybody hits that at different points in their life. And that's all based on the level of maturity and the life experience that you've had up until that point.

Yeah, that's so interesting. Cause I feel like, I think women, there's a point where like we, we want, okay. We want men to be somewhat successful, whatever that may be. Like, we don't want her to be like broke and can't even like pay rent. Like, you know, but I think, I think men think we want. Like, you have to have the house, and the car, and the thing, and like, I don't think a lot of women care.

Like, you wanted to, ah, like, certain women care, but I think the majority, like, I don't need to date someone that has a house. I could care less. Do you own some? I don't care. Like, it doesn't mean anything. Cause I think there's a part of, some women want to actually build with their partner. And it's like, I don't need you to have it all together.

I need you not to be broke. Yeah. And have some, some sort of financial stability, but like, I don't need you to have it all together because it's like, I think when you can have an amazing partnership, you can build that together. Like you get to build things. Together and support each other to get where we want to be.

And I think sometimes men miss out on that because they want to just get all that on their own. It's like they'd get there faster if they had someone helping in a partner. 

Yeah, but as a man, it is tough when you're building and then you also have a partner that, you know, wants to build with you. Which that's very rare, I will say, to have someone want to invest in you.

But as a man, I think it is a little... It just, society kind of tells us we're supposed to be at a certain place. So we're supposed to do this, or even if you see the videos of, I know that they pick the most outlandish ones, but it'll be. Guys asking women, um, how much does a man need to make per year for him to have a chance with you?

It was like five hundred thousand and then they ask what is the Average income Maybe 200 and they just don't even have an understanding. So I think there's just all of that obviously, that's just one side of it, but I do feel like society puts a lot of pressure on men to oh for sure be financially stable for an individual.

And I think it's, it's almost mature, more mature to pull yourself from the dating pool. If you know you're not there yet, then going out and doing things and just trying to impress someone so you can get in their pants and then not actually want to travel down that road with them anymore. It's very, Selfish and I know as a guy that probably sounds crazy, but I just, I think that there is so much to be said about it's totally selfish.

I mean, of course, but I, it's. It's, it's the norm now. 

It's the sad norm now. I think that's why we are where we are. 

Yeah, there's a lot on both sides. I mean, it's, it's tough too because there's so many, I gotta tiptoe around how I talk about I 

know, I feel, I feel the tiptoe coming. Yeah. I'm a 

But there are so many, I just 

admitted to a Nick mo.

Come on. I mean, like, all my crushes are going to be

like, clutch my pearls. I do think that there are a lot of women that are enabling this type of behavior as well. Well, that 

was going to be my next point is as women, some women out there, not everyone, but are we enabling it because we're accepting low standards to the, to a degree, the bar is low. That's one thing, and then we're enabling it because we're expecting, like, I think we're, it's like we're expecting unrealistic things, I also feel like, to some degree.

So it's like, we either have insane expectations that no one can keep up with, or we have the bar so low that any man can keep up with it. He texted me, like, he replied back to a text that you sent, yeah, quickly, and like, Okay, it's nothing to applaud, you know, but it's like that sort of stuff. It's like, oh my god, the bar is, sometimes I'll hear myself saying it too, like, oh, like, I'll say something just basic, like, yeah, he like asked her what I was doing or something.

And I'm like, I hear myself and I'm like, well, shouldn't he ask how you're 

doing? Like, that's just common decency as a human to wonder how someone, I 

think we get so jaded. And so like, there's just no one good out there. So the one guy that does something nice, you're like, you know, and it's like, 

that's so wild.

So as a woman in the dating space, is that more, are you more expecting? A guy to be kind of an asshole or are you just like whatever it is? And then when they actually end up being nice, is that what's like, Oh, this is a pleasant surprise. It's 

more of a pleasant surprise. That's so wild. Yeah. We're just used to kind of like, Oh, okay.

Like, yeah, just not great. And then when you get someone great, but then here's the other, I was just talking to my friend Logan about this. I was like, see, the other problem is then you get the really nice guy and you're like, so nice. But I have zero. It's just too, they're too nice. Like what is, what is too nice?

Like just so sweet, like. Like just sweet, like a little strawberry, like, you know, like a little strobe, like, cause then it's like, I think for me, I have a strong personality, right? I don't think I could do someone super sweet and like quiet. 

You don't have that strong of a personality. 

I feel like I do.

Like this is a lot. Not everyone can handle. Okay. 

What, when you say strong, what do you mean? 

Just like energetic and like, okay. Okay. You know what I mean? Like, I like to joke. I like, you know, I'm, I can, I can banter with the right person. I could banter for a long time. I like a little wet, like it's, it's kind of a lot when I can get really into it.

And I'm, and I'm having a good day or whatever. And I feel like someone who's really sweet. Like, I'm just like, I'm going to step all over you. Like, I just feel like I, like, I'm going to crush you. Yeah. And so when they're too nice, like, Think about like the, just the Mr. Nice guy, like, then it's too nice. And I'm like, Oh my God, this is why is why I'm single.

I know. But then that this is, this becomes the dilemma where 

like, he's too nice. But why is, okay, that, so let's get into this. Cause I've always wondered, like, what is it about being nice? That then becomes a turnoff. 

It friend zones very quickly. And it's not even nice. It's like, okay, like this one, okay. I, I was messaging this one guy and I was like.

I I I ended up voice noting, because it was just easier to do voice notes. And I was like, oh, his voice is so sweet! Like, he's like, hi Beatrice! Like, just very sweet, right? I'm like, okay, it's fine, whatever. But then things like, I was like, oh, you live in Santa Monica, that's so great! Like, we're super close.

He's like, oh, actually, like, I only put my location there because it's where I like to hang out, but I actually live in the valley. And I'm like... You might live out of state at this point, you know, but literally I'm like, why would you do that? And I was like, yeah, you're like, you probably shouldn't do that because like I have a specific radius for a reason.

Cause I just don't think it's realistic to date someone hours away, you know? And then he, his reply back was so sweet and it was like, Oh, I'm so sorry. Like, you know, I totally understand if you, you know, if you don't want to, you know, continue on and, and just like that. And I was like, I, I know, it sounds horrible.

I'm hearing myself and I was like, I just, it's too nice. Like, I don't want you to be a jerk, but like, I don't even know how to explain it, my friend. 

So, okay, 

that is, so. It's like, it's like, where they're too sweet. Where you, like, I don't want to feel like I can walk all over you. I want to know that you will stand up against me.

Like, if I'm out of hand and I'm being a little outrageous, I need somebody to be like, okay, look, I'm nice. Yes. But we have, we, you're being, you're being ridiculous. But like, sometimes the nice guy won't do that. And I'm like, I just can't, like, I need to know that I can kind of butt up against you and know that I'm going to get pushback if, if it's necessary.

Like. You know, and I feel like when someone's too nice, I'm like, I'm gonna walk all over you. I already know. I'm like, this isn't gonna work. 

Interesting. 

Is it like, there's a part of me, like, not that I want to be corrected, but like 

No, I feel like you want to, and maybe it's not just you, I think it's just all women, you want to feel like you can fall into your divine feminine.

Yes! And that masculine energy. Yes! You're just ain't gonna be able 

to And that's That we're talking about that I feel like that is so missing also in our society today. And I think we fight it so much. I'm, I think I'm more of a traditionalist in that mindset, like feminine energy and masculine energy.

And I just like, that's just for me, how God designed it. It makes total sense. Like it works. Like we try to change it and I'm like, it works. This is what it was created to be. And um, but I think that's part of it. It's like, it's the nice guy who's just soft. I'm like, I don't need you to be that soft. Like it's too like there's you got to be able to be a safe space for a woman But she does want to feel strength and strength doesn't mean you're a jerk and you're like, yeah Like, you know, but it's like strength means like I can hold Against you, like if I needed to, like I can, you know, kind of be that like push if I, if I have to and know that you're not going to get kind of walked all 

over.

No, that makes perfect sense. So I don't find any issues in that. I do think that there is something to be said, though, about making sure you don't take anybody's kindness for weakness because I think there are some, some instances where. Sometimes you have to be a little bit more gentle in initial spaces and things like that to be, I don't want to say accepted, but you know, be well received.

And I just, I think that there are oftentimes, cause this happened to me, where people, you are just, I'm just a genuine person. I'm a kind hearted individual. I just like to make sure I'm a big teddy bear. So I give bear hugs. I've like, I have definitely. Fall into the space of people thinking that I'm too nice, especially when it comes to initial interactions and days and, and things like that.

But it's just because I'm very empathetic. Yeah. And I don't necessarily want to be seen as rigid or because I, I take up a lot of space. Mm-hmm. , I'm a big dude. I know I'm very. When people see me can be very intimidated. Yeah, so I do everything that I can to try and Not make people uncomfortable. So maybe sometimes I go a little bit over when it comes to being nice and caring and making sure people are good and all that, just cause that's just where my heart is.

Yeah. But then I've also been put into that box of ice tea nights. And that's why I initially asked about that, that kind of the question of putting, um, putting somebody sort of in that friendship zone, but. Too soon. Too 

soon. Yeah. Yeah. Let's see with you. I never felt that because I remember we had a conversation.

You kind of called me out a little bit. You're like, on something I said. And so I was like, Oh yeah, he, he can call me out. Like, so I didn't get that from you. Like, I know that you're like, nice, but I didn't get that initially from you. Like the, the, like, I think it's different though. I think it's like this dude, I feel like would never call me out.

Like I could just, I could sense it. He'd be like, Well, maybe next time you could you know, it's too nice i'm gonna do it 

see so okay. So that's my thing too is like I I am so I internalize a lot of things. I spent a lot of time in my head, but I can see it's a, it's a gift and a curse. It's a gift and a curse because I can see different perspectives when 

it comes to every scene.

Exactly. And even if like later I walk away, I'm like, shouldn't have said that. Cause I thought about all the different scenarios and how it could have 

come out. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, I see a million and one different outcomes. Yep. But I think, um, I forgot where I was going with that. What was I thinking?

What was I initially saying? Um, you did, but it's fine. That's what we're here for. It's just a conversation. Um, initially seeing different perspectives. Oh, when you were saying how he probably wouldn't correct, you would say something like that. I'm in that space a lot of times too, where I can see, I'll never correct my partner or somebody that I'm like intimate with.

In front of other 

people. Oh, no. Yeah. That's a big no. I will always hold my people down. That is a detriment to relationships. I see it happen and I'm like, In front of people! Right. However, That never happens! Or like, you know, like, You never say that! Like, why are you being so weird? Why don't you just emasculate him?

Just take his pants down and just cut it off. Like, at this point. That's basically what's happening. 

But I do think there is something to be said about being polite in the delivery of love. Uh, maybe you could have done this a little bit differently or maybe so, you know, X, Y, and Z, but I just think that there's something to be said about always having your partner or whoever it is, having their back when you're in mixed company and around other people, but in private, having those conversations of correction, which I Kind of what you're saying.

Yeah, 

absolutely. Yeah. Oh, that's such a detriment to relationships. I just, it just, it's, and I see women do it a lot and I think it comes, I really do believe it comes from frustration from other things. Absolutely. They're not mad about that thing. They're mad about something he did a week 

ago. That's the straw that broke the camel's 

back.

Or something he's continuing to do and then he makes one dumb joke in front of everybody and you're like, that's so dumb. Why would you even joke about that? It's like not even funny. Like, I see that happen all the and I'm like, And you wonder why you guys aren't happy, you know? Like, and you see that.

That is a whole topic for another day. Cause like, cause we can go into this is like the intro. I feel like we've got a lot of episodes coming. But, um, Yeah, I think we I think we You know, I think we're gonna really be here. I think we have said I think we have said a 

lot. Um, yeah, I went on some tangents. I don't know if anything was cohesive.

It was just stream of consciousness. 

We talked about everything. I don't even know what I'm going to title this, but it's going to be, we'll see. This is 

just part one. Part one. So much. I think when we honestly, when we sit down and we have conversations, it does just flow. Yeah. I really like, I think that that is something to be said just about the friendship.

Like when we first met that night, it was just. Instant banter. Instant banter. Yeah. Yeah. I really do feel like there is something to be said. I keep saying that, but there's something to be said about communicating with people on that same frequency. When the conversation just flows, you don't have to overthink, you don't have to question.

It's just a, it's very natural and organic. So I just want to say thank you for inviting me on and allowing me to have this conversation. I feel like we could seriously speak for hours Thank you. 

It's wild. Yeah, it's crazy. I appreciate you coming on and chatting with me and uh, part two coming soon.

Thanks everybody. Thank you.